In Mom's Heels

A shoe obsessed mom's Weight Watchers Journey with Celiac Disease


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Ever had one of those days?

Ever have one of those days? Or in my case, months? Everything is irritating?

I know someone who walks everyday for an hour. They said to me that they didn’t think the walking was working. They also said they don’t eat any differently. I replied that could be the problem; They haven’t changed their eating habits. They said it doesn’t matter, with all the walking they’ve been doing, they should be losing one pound a week. I said why not add some weight lifting/training in. They said they didn’t want to build muscle before they lose the fat.  Now doesn’t that sound a little like which came first, the chicken or the egg?

I can relate though, although in the opposite way. I have changed my eating pattern (mostly) and am running/lifting weights/attending classes, and the scale has barely budged! Yes, I’m down 15 or so pounds (in 5 months!?), and the measurements are shrinking. I know I shouldn’t focus solely on the number on the scale that screams at me in red, YOU WEIGH HOW MUCH? Stupid judgmental scale. Discouraging and frustrating all at the same time. Yes, I’m about ready to give up.

AND, my dear people…notice how FRUSTRATED is spelled? It’s pronounced [fruhs-trey-tid] NOT FUSTRATED. Drive me insane.

I weighed in last week; down 0.4 lbs for a total of 16 lbs. I weighed in yesterday, up 0.5 lbs for a total of 15.5 lbs.  I’ve changed my workout routine recently with the help of a trainer. The lady at Weight Watchers told me to introduce more protein. Let’s try that this week and see if it makes a difference.

Cheers,

~S


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I shoulda stayed in bed

 

This morning (last night actually), I shoulda stayed in bed. I stopped at Tim Horton’s for a steeped tea. I drank it when I got home. I think it was actually coffee (which I don’t like) but I couldn’t be sure because I can’t taste anything with this cold. *shrug*

This morning, I peeled myself out of bed. I got ready – NSV; I’m wearing a top and jeans ONE SIZE SMALLER today – and looked at the time. Damn. I needed to leave the house 5 mins ago. Except that A asked for a drive to school this am. I need to go to the bank to pay daycare. I don’t have my lunch/snacks/tea yet. Damn. Ok kids – out the door. We have time to hit the ATM and I will hit Tim’s on my way to work. Ha! Stupid Universe had other plans.

I drove to the bank. I went inside and the machine was out of service. The line for tellers was long. I thought, I’ll take my chances in the drive-thru. Well, once you’re in that drive-thru, you’re trapped. Then, the lady 2 cars ahead was doing ALL HER BANKING – at 8:15 am!! ARGH!! Do it online lady! Now, I’ve made the kids late for daycare/school. Rushed to drop them off, it’s now 8:30 am. I’m usually at work by 8:20. Traffic was heavy today, people breaking and going the speed limit. I mean, what’s THAT about? Don’t they know I’m late?!?!?!

I didn’t have time to stop for tea so I made one at work. Now, I sit here at my desk in common cold-induced daze. Waiting for what the rest of today brings. Hockey practice for A tonight and the gym for me.

I haven’t weighed in this week. 1. I was SO bloated on Wednesday because I think I may have glutened myself accidentally, 2. I was too busy running around Wednesday with work and kids sports and 3. I got too busy Thursday with work, being sick and the gym to go.

That being said, I have caught a cold. It’s only the beginning, but I haven’t let it stop me. I may not have weighed in, but I have been to the gym. Monday at lunch for 45 mins and again after work for an hour class. I went Wednesday for 1.5 hours and Thursday for speed intervals on the dreadmill and an hour bootcamp class. I’m trying to sweat out my cold. Maybe I should switch to Vodka.

Cheers to the weekend!!

~S


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Timing is everything

I’m so busy at work lately and with the kids activities and remembering to call to fix the fridge and get the housework done and take my car into the shop…I keep forgetting to update here.

 

I started to write this post on Tuesday, the day before my weigh-in about how I’m so busy with work and the kids, I haven’t had alot of time to update. I was telling you about how I was ready to give up and cancel my Weight Watchers membership because the new plan just wasn’t working for me.

Today, I went to weigh-in at lunch, because tonight, even though E’s soccer was cancelled and I would actually be free to attend a meeting. I chose not to. I went to work out instead.

After being up last week 1.6 lbs (hence the “I’m ready to quit” temper tantrum), I’m down -3.4 lbs this week. I tracked this week in a combination of my online tracker and paper tracking…guess it does work after all.

I will repeat, I am more than a number. It’s called “beyond the scale” for a reason. I know the weight loss is SLOOOWWW, but I can see it in  the inches lost, my body leaning out, the bumps called muscles that are showing and my endurance increasing.

Here’s to not quitting!

Cheers,

~S

 


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Wednesday weigh-in

It’s been a couple of weeks since I posted. I weighed in on Feb 1 and was down 3.3 lbs and I weighed in late this week (today) and am down 1.5 lbs.

Coming back after my back injury has been good. I am sluggish with my running. I am killing the weights and classes at the rec centre (except the evil class where the evil Cruella DeVille hurt me).

I found it hard to post last week. I turned 40 on January 31. I know, I know. I look waaayy too young to be 40! Thank you, you’re too kind. Thank you to all my friends and family who emailed, texted, messaged, sang, gave cupcakes, cakes, gifts, etc.Mom & in-laws popped by for dinner and cake on that fateful Tuesday. Mom took some photos of me on my phone when the cake was brought to me. Later on, when I was alone and saw the picture, I cried. Man, I looked awful in that picture. I know – I’m more than a number. I’ve lost inches. I’m more active than ever. It still hurt.

Turning 40 bothers me. Those who tell me “it’s just a number” aren’t 40 yet and can fuck off (in the nicest way). I don’t know why I feel like I need to feel old or what does old even feel like?  I don’t feel any older than I am. I came across this older article in the Huffington Post, How it Really Feels to Turn 40 and I love the comment:

“I’ve never been one to get caught up in worries about appearances very much, but I can guarantee that anyone who says they don’t mind the physical repercussions of aging is lying. No woman likes making her resting face and having her daughter ask why she’s mad. No woman enjoys slipping money to a bouncer who once waved her to the front of the line (I can imagine this might be true anyway — personally, my bedtime leaves no opportunity for clubs). No woman enjoys when a mammogram machine gets to second base with her.”

I read about people turning 40 and coming to terms with it. How it’s a “new chapter” and adventure; blah, blah, blah. Coming to terms with changes; blah, blah, blah. Well, la-ti-da. Good for you. Bugger off. I’m not ready to accept that I’m 40. Not even close. I’m throwing an adult-sized tantrum. I’m stomping up the stairs, slamming my bedroom door, getting in my jammies, drinking my vodka and reading a book.

Cheers,

~S

 

 


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Let’s Talk

January 25 was Bell Canada’s “Lets Talk” Day. A day in recognition of people suffering mental health issues.

I haven’t been exactly quiet about my struggles with mental health. I suffer depression. I have had dark thoughts. I have thought that my family would be better off if I wasn’t here.

What’s kept me here and fighting? My kids. Although my father died of natural causes, the pain associated with not having him around kills me. And I am an adult. I couldn’t do that to my babies. I love them too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband dearly, but I know eventually he’d move on. I know he’s more than capable of providing and caring for our children. It doesn’t feel like it now, but someone out there loves you, very much.

I can’t really answer the “why” I am depressed. Sometimes, something happens that sets it off. A sexual assault. Post-Partum Depression. Death of a loved one. Loss of Friendship. Work. Marriage. Kids. Other times, it sneaks up on you. “Winter Blues”.

I think I’ve seen every type of therapist and social worker out there. What worked for me may not work for others. What did work for me was my psychotherapist. She gave me the tools necessary to battle my demons with her and now on my own; but sometimes, I still need help.

It’s not easy to reach out for help. We think we can do it on our own. When we can’t, find that one person who can hold out a hand to help you up. A shoulder for you to lean on. Whether it is a professional, or a friend who will let you talk.

Sometimes people we love get hurt in the process of our depression and healing. I’m sorry if I hurt you while I was hurting and healing. Please forgive me. I’d like to make amends. If you can’t, I understand. It will hurt me, but it won’t stop me from trying to heal. I’ll move on. I wish you well.

So, in the spirit of Let’s Talk Day. How can I help you?

~S

 


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Injury

These past two weeks I have done little to no exercise. As mentioned in my last post, I managed to hurt my back pretty bad a couple of weeks ago at an exercise class. I was doing some weights from a sitting position and back exercises with yoga.

I couldn’t do any of that last week. I was too sore. Although, I managed to exercise my mouth & stomach – by eating everything in sight. Good Gawd. I sit idle for 2 mins and lose all my willpower.

I don’t yet know the damage it caused to my Weight Watchers journey. I’ve been too busy with kids activities to get to my weigh-in. One thing I’m learning though, is this is my journey. I’m going to fall and stumble along the way. I’m going to get down about it.

However, it’s my actions and reactions to all of this that are going to shape me in my journey. Last night I got back on that treadmill. I put in almost 10 mins of warm up walking before launching into small interval training (60s/90s x8 at 3.6/5.1 mph at 1% incline). I felt fantastic. Tonight, I’m going to tabata class where I will do the low intensity workout to ease back into things.

If I let the fact I’ve gained weight or lost some activity momentum get me down, then that’s when I lose. I only fail if I give up. Gawd knows, I’m too much of a goody-two-shoes to fail at anything.

Cheers,

~S


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Weight Blah Week Blah

I REALLY wish there was a font called sarcasm. I speak sarcasm fluently. This week was a DISASTER in the weight category. Up 4 lbs!! WTF?!?!

The body is a marvelous thing though. Even though the weight shows I am up, my measurements and one can actually SEE the change in my body.

I admit – If I actually tracked anything this past week it would seriously shock me. There were no snaccidents this week. Looks like pure shitty eating.

I earned 123 FitPoints, 66.5K steps and 256 activity minutes. I’m up to 5/1.5 intervals on the C25K. I was attending classes with E&J. Until Tuesday. I swear, the instructor must’ve been 75 years old. She started the 7pm class late with no warm up. The side lunge/squat/front lunge on a step weren’t new movements. The weight and the way it was held was. As soon as I put down the weight bar, I looked at E and said “I just effed up my back”. I finished the rest of the hour-long class and drove in pain to Wal-Mart for groceries. Picture this: Me, in exercise compression pants, tank and sneakers with full-zip hoodie, glowing (sweaty) face, beautiful (messy, sweaty, wet) hair standing in the cat food aisle sobbing – because my back hurts. Any NORMAL person would’ve walked past to see me – the moron – in the cat food aisle crying over…cat food?? Crazy cat lady!! *eyerolling*

I went to the doc – who gave me meds. It hurts to sit, stand, and lay down. I did some arm weights Wednesday night, making sure not to jar or put stress/pressure on my back. I’m also doing yoga back stretches to help keep limber and not just sit and wait it out.

While I recover, I am back to tracking. It really does make a difference for me to see what works and what doesn’t work for me. Here’s hoping for a better weight week – and a healthier back!

Cheers,

~S


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Non-scale Victories or NSVs

For those who aren’t familiar with the weight watchers program, we try to also celebrate victories that don’t occur on the scale. We call these Non-Scale Victories or NSVs. I was thinking to myself the other day, that the weight loss hasn’t exactly been going in the direction I want (in case you were wondering, its down. I wish my weight would go down).  Then I remembered I took some body measurements and wrote them on the wall (on June 6) in the basement. It stares at me every day. mocking me. “Nah na na na na” it says. Well, let me say that attitudes like that just fuels my fire. I’ll show those measurements!!

So, I took my measurements last night. Since that fateful day in June 2016, I’ve lost:

  • 1.5″ off my bust;
  • 2″ off my waist;
  • 1″ off my hip; and
  • 1.5″ off my thigh.

Remember when I said I can see my toes? Remember when I said I can wear those jeans that used to be just a smidge too tight? I can see that my body has changed.

Another NSV came yesterday in a Super Sculpt class when I could see and feel the flexibility; I could feel the need to increase the weights and I didn’t get as tired/out of breath as I would have before.

I may injure myself soon though, with all this patting of my own back I’m doing. 😉

To quote the Black Eyed Peas song I Gotta Feeling:

Go out and smash it

Jump off that sofa
Let’s get get off

I got this.  You’ve got this.  Together, we’ve got this. Let’s go!

Cheers,

~S


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Personal Development & weigh-in mash-up

I needed to come up with another title. I was boring myself, I could only imagine how you felt!

Not a terribly great week. I barely tracked. I ate ALL the muffins A made on the weekend. For every meal. In defense, I figured I wasn’t eating anything else, so it was a wash. Fast-forward to today, up 0.1 lbs. I have been hitting the gym earning 97 FitPoints, 140 minutes and 60.5K steps.

I’ve been posting about personal development and the number on the scale not meaning much other than my “effect on gravity”. Today the number didn’t matter to me (much). I’m wearing a dress (I only wear a skirt/dress when I ran out of clothes and need to do laundry). In this dress – I can SEE the changes in my body. So if the number isn’t changing much – my body is. I can see my stomach isn’t sticking out as far. My running is getting faster and longer; pace better. I can even wear my knee-high boots and zip them up over my calves!

On my C25K app by Zenlabs, there is always a quote as soon as you open the app. I read one the other day by Muhammad Ali. It said:

It’s the lack of faith that makes people afraid of meeting challenges, and I believe in myself“.

I do too. I believe in me.

Have a great week.

Cheers,

~S.


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Weight Watchers Week 17

I think it’s week 17. I last weighed in right before Christmas on December 21 and was even – I maintained from the last couple weeks. I missed a week over Christmas and due to lots of snacking/food and T.O.M. – I’m up 2.3 lbs. GAH!

You know what though? Unlike years past, I’m not beating myself up for it. I’m not feeling guilty for it. I’m picking myself up and dusting myself off and getting back on track. There’s no horse or wagon. I’m abandoning those. By saying that I feel like this isn’t supposed to be a lifestyle change but a fad. So as with everything in life, I’m rolling with it and doing something about it.

Even though I’ve been sick – I hit the dreamill Jan 1, 2 & 3. I sacrificed Jan 4 for sleep and was back on last night. Last night was another milestone for me in my attempt to run a full 5K without stopping (first goal) and then better my pace/time (second goal). Last night I was able to run in 5/1.5 intervals. I ran for 5 mins and walked for 90 seconds for 3.5 km. Hold on while I pat myself on the back! Celebratory drink!

Now – all I want to do is run another OCR. I’m dying to get into an obstacle race…The 5K Foam Fest is one I haven’t tried yet…or the Polar Rush in February.

Go out there and CRUSH some goals! I’ll be right behind you cheering you on.

Cheers,

~S.