January 25 was Bell Canada’s “Lets Talk” Day. A day in recognition of people suffering mental health issues.
I haven’t been exactly quiet about my struggles with mental health. I suffer depression. I have had dark thoughts. I have thought that my family would be better off if I wasn’t here.
What’s kept me here and fighting? My kids. Although my father died of natural causes, the pain associated with not having him around kills me. And I am an adult. I couldn’t do that to my babies. I love them too much. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband dearly, but I know eventually he’d move on. I know he’s more than capable of providing and caring for our children. It doesn’t feel like it now, but someone out there loves you, very much.
I can’t really answer the “why” I am depressed. Sometimes, something happens that sets it off. A sexual assault. Post-Partum Depression. Death of a loved one. Loss of Friendship. Work. Marriage. Kids. Other times, it sneaks up on you. “Winter Blues”.
I think I’ve seen every type of therapist and social worker out there. What worked for me may not work for others. What did work for me was my psychotherapist. She gave me the tools necessary to battle my demons with her and now on my own; but sometimes, I still need help.
It’s not easy to reach out for help. We think we can do it on our own. When we can’t, find that one person who can hold out a hand to help you up. A shoulder for you to lean on. Whether it is a professional, or a friend who will let you talk.
Sometimes people we love get hurt in the process of our depression and healing. I’m sorry if I hurt you while I was hurting and healing. Please forgive me. I’d like to make amends. If you can’t, I understand. It will hurt me, but it won’t stop me from trying to heal. I’ll move on. I wish you well.
So, in the spirit of Let’s Talk Day. How can I help you?