Last weekend I took A to hockey practice. I waited to tie her skates and filled her water bottle. Once done, I scanned in and went into the gym across the hall. It was a good day. I felt good. I was in a good place.
I ran the treadmill for 30 mins and then popped onto the Hip Abducter/Adducter machine. Here, I completed 5 sets (12/10/8/8/8) starting at 50 lbs and moving up to 80 for the sets of 8. Then I hopped on to the leg press, doing the same sets keeping the weight at 180 lbs (I also added calf raises at the ends for the sets of 8).
I’m going to back up a bit here. After taking care of A and scanning into the gym but before going in the door, I walked past a group of 4 hockey moms (from another team). One looked at me, pointed and said “look, like her; look at that one”. Granted, I wasn’t involved in the conversation so i don’t really know what they were actually saying; they could be commenting on how glamorous I looked in yesterday’s makeup, compression pants, chucks and a jacket with my highschool backpack…but the tone she used leads me to believe that was not the case. I didn’t let it bother me as I went about my workout and continued on with my day.
My question is – WHY?Why are we, Why do we do this to each other? Why do we body shaming & judge each other? We need to mind our own damn business. There are greater issues in the world; in our own countries; in our own backyards to bother with anyone else. Lady, I feel sorry for your child. That child may never know unconditional love. That child may grow up being constantly judged by you, and in turn, start judging others. Personally, I’m trying my hardest to raise decent human beings in this horrible world, and that’s all I am focused on.
I spent some time texting with my friend, and PiYO trainer K about how I was feeling and about possibly joining a gym. I mentioned that while I knew it was all in my head, I have this fear, or insecurity about going to a gym. I always feel like someone is looking at me, mocking me, silently judging me…”look at the fat girl”…and with so many instances of body shaming happening in the world – look at that Playboy Bitch Danni something who took a pic of an older lady in the gym in the locker room – I mean, she was at the gym clearly trying to work on herself…I digress. It’s a fear-slash-insecurity of mine. Whether founded or not…it’s mine.
And then this popped up on my Instagram feed, another wonderful FitWithVicki Instagram post:
It’s none of my damned business. Have a great week.
If you remember, 2014 did not start off that great. I had the flu the minute I woke up on New Years Day 2014.
In March, I switched jobs. In hindsight, I should have trusted my gut instincts and not made the move. More about why, later.
May saw me travel to Alberta for work. I was lucky enough to be able to stay with and visit my younger brother & his family while I was there for work. I landed home on a Friday night at 9:30 and left Saturday morning for Miami for a week long vacation in the Western Caribbean aboard the MSC Divina leaving from Miami.
After that, I was exhausted. The exercise was all over the place in the beginning of the new job as my hours went from 8-4 to 10:30-7. This wreaked havoc on my body clock along with my food clock.
Things picked up in June as I started to get out for runs and use the Nike Training App (NTC). I challenged myself to run 26 km in July, doubling my June total and I ran 26.97 km. July was also the first race of the season with the MetCon Blue at Blue Mountain in Collingwood, ON. There were little photographs of the event and the obstacles were very few and cheesy.
In August, I ran the York Region Bad Ass Dash and fell on the back side of the “mountain”, spraining my ankle. This sidelined my August running goal. Although it did not stop me from training my upper body using the bowflex and modified push-ups.
September saw me run the Kitchener Bad Ass Dash in the rain. I was cautious as my ankle was still sore. But this one I finished. Phew. This was a hard one. I ran another 26.9 km this month.
By this point, work started to get me down as were some toxic people in my life. I decided that I was not going to race in 2015 choosing to re-focus my energy on me. October saw one run and the 5km CIBC Run for the Cure. I was supposed to run this race with a number of people but a couple back out and the others left me alone to go elsewhere. My beautiful girls woke up early that morning and decided to run with me. We started the race at a slow jog alternating between jogging and walking. My oldest gave every police officer on the course a high-five, putting smiles on all their faces. I cried uncontrollably at the end. October also saw me start going to K’s PiYO classes once a week on Thursdays. I hurt for 4 days after. It’s not hurting as bad, but I’m still stiff.
In November, I was sent to two locations at work in Alberta and Manitoba. By this time, I was really unhappy at work. The promises that cemented my reason to leave my former job had not materialized – and were never going to – and the purpose of hiring someone like myself was to help promote and facilitate change within their corporate culture. My boss knew I was unhappy asking me to stay, telling me we would do it together, it would get better, etc.
December saw me leave that company. Mid-December, my DH and I went to New York City. Not without having missed our flights due to a snowstorm. Then being re-booked for later that day, only to have the flight cancelled. We decided to make the most of it. We got our money back for the flights, cancelled our rental car and got a refund and decided to drive through the night. We arrived in Secaucus, NJ at 9am. After a shower and breakfast, we hopped on the NJ Transit and arrived at the Port Authority Bus Station. We walked nearly 50 km that weekend. I got to see Times Square, Rockerfeller Plaza, Central Park, Bryant Park, Empire State Building, FAO Schwartz – all decorated for Christmas, and at night all lit up!! It was very exciting and fun.
Christmas was a small gathering of my in-laws, SIL, her BF and one niece and my Mom, DH and my girls. On Tuesday before Christmas I took my oldest daughter to the public Library to get a biography on Bobby Orr and picked up 5 books for myself. I finished all of these before the week was up.
Today, I weighed myself. I am ashamed of myself. I am upset and angry at myself. But I am not surprised. I am up. 45lbs from my lowest. My DH bought me a TRX for Christmas. Since I am not yet working, I will attempt to repair the leaks in the outside wall of the basement (hopefully it’s rod holes from the foundation) and replace the wall so that I can complete the “activity room” and get the bowflex, dreadmill, TRX, etc. set up again.
New Years is a couple days away, we’re headed to E’s house. We’ll come home with the kids after the ball drops. I’m not much of a drinker anymore, no desire. Strangely enough, I have no desire to eat M&M’s anymore either.
And I have not been doing well with the training. I did manage a couple of 5+ km runs, but I pledged to do 26K this month…I’ve done just over 10K. and yes, I’ve only done two runs…BUT…July isn’t over yet!
We hosted the 40th Birthday party for E’s hubby this past Saturday. The guest of honour and birthday boy was passed out drunk, asleep on my powder room floor by 10:30 pm. The guests had all gone home by 11:00 pm. My own DH spent most of the night asleep on the floor in the master bathroom. It was a rough day had by the boys. It wasn’t me on that side of the fence for once, and not because I wasn’t drinking because I was and doing shots with them…I just took it easy.
Sunday was the birthday party for my oldest – she will be 10 on Tuesday. it’s been a busy weekend. I’ve spent so much time getting the yard ready along with cleaning/dusting/vacuuming/mopping/scrubbing toilets for this weekend, I hope to have time to rest next weekend.
Last week was a hard week. It was the one year anniversary of my Dad’s passing. We’re past the one year mark. We’ve gotten through all the firsts. I spent time at his grave on July 16. It was very difficult. E popped by even though I told her not to and to go finish running her errand. That’s what “Sistets” are for.
The daycare lady is off this week and the little monsters will be looked after my their retired Grandma. I now have to actually get those runs in this week cause my hubby told her to come early so I could do them. Maybe I will hit that 26K goal after all. I just need a minimum of 3 days of 5+K’s….
Last day of Round 5. I feel sad because I think our At-Work program has finally come to an end after two years. In order to make round 6 a go, I need 6 more participants…
This week I lost 1.4 lbs. I ran every day this week along with the BadAss Dash the activity really helped. Plus, hubby has been al ittle unhappy about a little weight he thinks he’s added since quitting smoking 2+ months ago. He’s been stocking the fridge full of yummy yoghurt, fruits and veggies! He’s even cut them all up so that all we have to do is quickly place it in a container and off to work/school we go! Running my farthest of 6.65 Km on Thursday night, I felt GREAT! My breathing was great, slowly my right calf and knee started to hurt.
Recently one of my fave bloggers has come back to the blogging world. While reading her story of the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May, I got nostalgic. I LOVE NYC. My girlfriends all want to do a girls weekend away to NYC. We all have enough Air Miles to fly. Then I stumbled onto another blog, The Fit Wanderer. She described her experience with the Brooklyn Half. So, stupidly I made a decision. I’ve put it out in the universe. I want to Run the Brooklyn Half Marathon in May 2014. That gives me 8 months to train. I also found a CrossFit gym in the city I live in. I’m going to give them a call and try the first class free. Maybe find a groupon?? Hint. I think the discipline and strength training of CrossFit is what I need to push past this plateau. Running my farthest of 6.65 Km on Thursday night, I felt GREAT! My breathing was great, slowly my right calf and knee started to hurt. I think CrossFit will be able to help.
Once past the plateau and I can work atleast 20 more lbs off, I’d like to take some of the inheritance my mom generously shared with us kids to get my tummy tuck. I miss you every day dad, with all my heart. I think of this as your last gift to me. I know you were proud of me no matter what size I was or what I did. I loved having you at the Mud Hero and think that in your own way you have been at every finish line I’ve made it to and you always will. Thank you SuperDaddy.
I’m sorry this is late, I promise I (once again) didn’t forget. I was up this week, 0.8 lbs. Its frustrating but I know that I need to get back to round 1’s thinking and drive for this.
This weeks topic was about vacations. Coincidence that this weekend was Canada Day long weekend? I think not! Our leader LuAnne asked us why did we join Weight Watchers? I remember back and trying on my size 22 pants and realize it was starting to get tight (again) and that no way was I going to buy 24’s. I mean I had already bought new clothes from Avenue in New York that were 22’s and I had just bought a new swimsuit that was a 24…no way was I going to buy more clothes that were bigger. Along the way my goal for remaining changed. I wanted to be fit and healthy, and a positive role model for my 2 beautiful baby girls (who aren’t really babies). Then LuAnne asked what do we plan to do this weekend. All sorts of answers were thrown out…then she asked, Did you join WW to gain weight? Heck No. Then why wouldn’t I try my best this weekend to track and be good so that I didn’t gain weight. Would I be devastated and beat myself up? No. Would I be disappointed in myself? Yes. Would I be disappointed if I maintained? Not really. I wouldn’t be ecstatic, but I wouldn’t be disappointed. I am on a journey. It’s closing in on a 2 year journey and I am looking like I will have to adjust my 2-year goal, but it’s a journey. One that I will be on for my lifetime. I will have highs and lows, but I am living life every minute to its fullest now. And damn am I having fun.
What a fantastic week! I am down 0.6lbs. Since it was raining, there was no soccer on Monday night so I was able to go to kickboxing which included 105 squats. Then I came home and did the Sunday exercise that I learned from the free Training session from Trainers on Site at Spartan Fitmess. Tuesday, I did the workout again. Wednesday kickboxing which included 140 squats. Thursday was the training again with 160 squats.
Friday was my very first class – all on my own. I got to the centre at 6:26 for my 6:30 class and waited. And waited. and waited. Finally at 6:45 I realized no one was coming so I went home. E came to pick me up and we headed north to pick up J and continue north to Wasaga Beach to meet up with P&M. It was a good night, where I found myself getting home at 4am – something I haven’t done in a LOOONG time. Saturday and Sunday saw me outside weeding the garden and relaxing with the folks for a nice Father’s Day Dinner with my SuperDaddy and my husband.
I didn’t track again this week, which I know I need to. But I trained the heck out of myself. I have to get back into the jogging, especially hill training (I need to find a hill, I feel like the flatlands of Saskatchewan or something). But I was BAD this weekend for food. I ate a chips, chinese food, a bowl size bag of M&M’s and this morning half a bag of M&M’s for breakfast. Emotional eating. I need to stop. I need to train when I get emotional. However, tomorrow is another day. I will try to get in a 5K and then weight training. Eat properly.
I will start off by saying…OMG. WHAT FUN!! This was my first ever trail run/obstacle race. It was a weird day – calling for thunder showers. I arrived at E’s house and donned my purple argyle socks and waited for the others to arrive. We carpooled to the location – Claireville Ranch Conservation, and hopped on the bus to the registration area. We registered and waited for the others. Once everyone was there we made our way over to the starting/finish area. I overheard one of the official Race volunteers saying that there was swimming, which worried me since one of our teammates couldn’t swim. We learned that it was a thigh/waist deep wade through the Humber River using a guide rope. So at the start we waited, my husband, kids and parents showed up to cheer me on.
The 10K solo started. The 10K Teams started. The 5K teams started. Then it was our turn, The 5K solos lined up. I was nervous and excited. I feared the unknown. How would I do? What were the obstacles? Can I actually do this? Who will save me if I need saving?
Uh-Oh…there’s the countdown…10 seconds, 5-4-3-2-1 – the horn sounded and we were off! I heard my little girls cheering me on “GO MOMMY” so I looked over and waived as I passed them. First kilometer was down a hill then back up a steep hill – I should’ve done more hill training. I made it to 1K with only a short 30 sec. walk break. Then it was through brush and “forest” for the second Km…at about 1.8Km I had to slow down and catch my breath. At 3K we hit the first obstacle. Crawl through a giant puddle of NASTY smelling water. I ducked under the flags not actually crawling and hit the water station. The sun was shining, but we could see the clouds in the distance. Then we hit the first stream – it was just below my waist, I went in front of J and E went behind in case she needed us. Then we came to a standstill as we had to make our way up a steep muddy slope. It had become really muddy from all the wet people fresh from the stream. Then it started to rain. We made our way up the slope grabbing trees and branches where we could and then hit the open field where the skies opened up on us and poured. No problem. At the 4K mark we hit the surprise obstacle – and the most fun. A 4o foot water slide!! J and I grabbed hands and jumped bellies first! It was AWESOME! I was going so fast I took out a teenager at the bottom – she was ok, we laughed. Unfortunately we had to climb back UP the hill. We kept going through more hilly terrain and log jumping.
We could hear the finish line and the MC…we were so close!! I was going to finish this! Then the next stream. I kind fell into it, not so gracefully I might add. Again I was in front of J and E was behind. Then once we climbed the embankment I stopped…what’s everyone looking at? Then I looked up and exclaimed “What the Fudge?”. My biggest fear was staring me in the face. The fear I kept telling E I knew I couldn’t do. It was a (not really but damned near looked like it) 90 degree hill that I had to climb by holding a rope. It was a wall of slippery mud. I deflated instantly. I wasn’t going to finish this run after all. E went ahead of me and grabbed the rope and started to pull her way up. We kept getting stopped because of the people in front of us. I could feel my arms tiring. E finally made it up. I kept slipping. I couldn’t do this. I started to panic. E could see it on my face, I almost started to cry. The awesome volunteer slipped down the slope and encouraged me to grab for a tree, so I reached out and did, he gave me a little hand and I looked up and reached out for E and made my way up. I thanked the guy, high-fived E & J and continued on.
We could hear the end; I was going to finish after all!! We broke through the trees and shimmied down the hill and grabbed each other’s hands and jumped into the mud pit. We crawled along and once out we grabbed hands again and ran together across the finish. WE DID IT!! HOLY BLEEP WE DID IT!! I DID IT!
E and I exiting the Mud Pit for the Finish
E and I after the FINISH
our team – The Dirty Hot Chicks and Jeff
My kids were proud, my wonderful hubby was smiling at me and I gave my dad a great big muddy hug while mom took the picture. I was exhausted and exhilarated. We posed for muddy pics, stripped my shoes off and threw them out. We hopped on the bus back to the car. Once home I took a nice long hot shower and crashed.
If I learned anything about this race or myself it’s A) next time stay at the bottom and wait for everyone ahead of you to get to the top of the rope. I can move faster and my arms won’t be as tired B) do more hill and strength training and C) I CAN DO IT!
I worked hard to get to this point. Not only by losing the weight, but also by adding all the activity. My time wasn’t what was important to me; it was the fact that I started it at all. The Warrior Dash is next. Here’s to seeing you at the finish, but most importantly at the start!
UPDATE: We finished the race in 53:09. I was 175th of 309 5K Solo participants. I ranked 108 of 206 women and 83rd of 163 Adult Female participants. Not bad for a first timer! I’m going to try to shave :09 off of my time for the Warrior Dash 🙂 Wish me luck!!
I didn’t forget about you. You’ve been on my mind all weekend. I am too ashamed to face you. I gained this week. BIG. Up. 2.8 lbs. GASP!! I KNOW!! I sabotage myself.
I’m not sure if it has to do with the week before TOM visits, new medication or I am studying for an exam on top of all my regular mom, wife, daughter, employee, housekeeper, laundry doer, lawn mower…etc. This moth’s spaces at Weight Watchers has been about mindful eating. Without tracking I find myself eating anything. I resisted the Banana Loaf this weekend, but ate chips and popcorn at home. Tonight while sitting at the dining room table studying I ate nearly half a bag of Gluten Free Popcorn Indiana Kettle Corn. I think I ate the first half tonight before my youngest daughter’s soccer game. I was absent-mindedly eating. A couple of times in our meetings the question has been asked “17 regular M&M’s are 2 points, would YOU only eat 17?”. Of course, LuAnn looks right at me knowing my addiction to M&M’s lately – even thought I feel sick when I have them now. If I am at work, yes. I would eat only 17. Why? Because I would only portion control 17 and only bring it to work with me for a snack. When I run out, I run out.
Here is my problem. What do I do at home? I have all evening. I have all day on the weekend. Alright, Alright. Ok – so anyone who knows me knows I don’t wake up until 10:30 on the weekend – so it’s really more like 3/4 of a day on a weekend. This past weekend, I ate my yoghurt, took my vitamins and meds like usual. I studied until it was time for bootcamp, then I went to a birthday Party for E’s oldest (Happy 8th Birthday A!!). Sunday, same thing then had M&M’s for lunch went to Laser Quest for A’s kids party and home for more studying and Swiss Chalet (a half chicken with veggies & no skin). Again, it was the snacking in the evening. Chips. I have to either make sure there are none in the house or buy the gluten filled ones so I can’t eat them. And buy more fruit. I need more fruit.
Tonight E and I went for a run, hitting 5.3 K in our fastest time yet and beating another personal best for fastest 1 Mile. No kickboxing tonight, my Baby Girl comes first and she had soccer. Wednesday, I teach. All on my own. WOOHOO!! This Sunday is our first obstacle race – the Mud Run. I will try to fill you in on time on Friday and if I am still alive Sunday evening, maybe there will be pictures of my first ever race.
Another week, another weigh-in. Exercise wasn’t what it has or should have been this week, but slowly I witness the scale moving in the right direction. Down 0.8 lbs for a total of 67.2 lbs lost.
Training this past week wasn’t what it should have been. Last week Saturday we welcomed friends over for the first BBQ of the season. It had been fantastic weather here. E and I went for a run in the gorgeous sunshine and heat of the afternoon. Being silly, we came home and talked about the fit of her pants. E is a small girl but she has lost some weight and re-shaped her body showing the definition of her muscles and she has loose pants to prove her work. I congratulated her as I know the journey is long and she has worked very hard, and commented I should get one of my old items and try it on. After MUCH encouragement (and a drink or two) I went in search of a size 24 which I couldn’t find so I grabbed my Size 22 Jean skirt and tried it on. I said to E, I bet you could fit in it with me so she tried. And she did.
Back to work Monday. Sitting behind a desk all day and right now sorting through everything I need to do after getting back from vacation.
Monday’s activities saw me walking a leisure 2.76K at lunch followed by kickboxing in the evening. Man…after missing 3 classes – I felt like I was going to die! I was TIRED!
Tuesday my running partner was grounded by her hubby. I decided to go out on my own after I put my kids to bed. I fell asleep in bed waiting to get them ready for bed. Hubby woke me at 8:45 pm saying he thought I was going out. Now, the old me would have said I was tired and could go another day and fall back asleep, but this me, this me got up, got dressed, laced up my Saucony’s and headed out for a Week 4 Day 1 run. Half way through I thought I would just do half since I was so tired and head home. But again, the new me decided I’m half way, I may as well keep going. And I did. All on my own. I ran for the 2 intervals for 3 minutes and 5 minutes each WITHOUT STOPPING!! WOO HOO!!! I beat my personal best running my fastest 1K and 1 mile!
Wednesday I worked through my lunch as I knew I had to make up an hour for an upcoming doctor’s appointment and had kickboxing in the evening. Kickboxing was a disaster. I was not in the mood to be there. Our instructor pushed us like we asked her to, but I was not mentally there and I gave up at the end of the session. I hate that. I hate giving up. I haven’t been out since.
This past Saturday I noticed my eating has been off too. Hubby went out for his baseball game in another town 45 mins away, and I was looking after 4 kids (2 of my own and 2 of E’s while she and her hubby went to help another friend). The kids didn’t want the roast with veggies and potatoes for dinner that I can eat; they wanted chicken fingers & fries which I can’t. So I had and handful of M&M’s for dinner. That along with a smoothie at 11 am were the only things I ate that day. I was starving and I was not having another salad. This Celiac thing is starting to get on my nerves. Sunday was Mother’s day. I slept in until 10am, then got up and went into the yard to do some work, had a yoghurt, got showered and dressed and then went off to see our moms. We had some Chinese food for dinner with my folks. Went to drop off shoes at E’s house, stayed for the first period of the hockey game and then went home to give the kids a bath. I ended up reading in bed and then to sleep.
I have an exam coming up on June 6 so after all my workouts I will have to hit the books. I pledge to continue to track this week and get out for 3 runs. The Mud Run is in 3 weeks! What was I thinking??
In Mom's Heels 