2018 Year in Review

Tomorrow is New Years Eve. I reflect back on 2018 I see many things. Bringing mom home from the hospital in January after the pneumonia nearly killed her (it was like deja-vu of my dad). Celebrating my birthday with my mom, hubby & the kids.

February saw the house sold. It saw mom’s diagnosis turn to making her comfortable in the end rather that fighting the disease. My brother’s and I attempted to plan a trip to Iceland so mom could see the Northern Lights, but she couldn’t travel that far so we planned a trip to middle of nowhere Alberta instead. Mom would be placed into palliative care before the month was over and the trip would be cancelled.

March was spent cleaning and packing the house and spending all our time with mom in the hospital. For me, life was basically on hold. on March 24, 2018, I watched as my mother took her last breath of life. I sobbed for the loss of her short life. I sobbed for the loss of time we still had and the kids still had. I sobbed because I wasn’t done needing her. We put her funeral action plan into place and celebrated her life a few days later.

April saw what would have been Mom’s 66th birthday. The sale of the house sale fell through and subsequent legal fight (still not settled) and re-selling of the house. April saw the tulips on in the lawn bloom again with new life. It was a time for cleaning out the old, settling accounts and beginning to move forward.

May saw our 16th wedding anniversary.

June ushered in hot days, visits with Nanny and seeing the Canadian Women’s soccer team play in Hamilton vs. Germany. It was a stop at the 5 Drive-in in Oakville, silly notes about bad milk, and bad days where I wished I could call my mom.

As July took over, we celebrated Canada Day with our friends (like we do every year), and sweated our behinds off in 44 Celsius weather. The house finally sold and I got my 3rd tattoo. It was A’s 14th birthday and a date to the “Panic at the Disco” concert.

I celebrated the first day of August with a tulip tattoo with mom’s signature in the stem. I was also rear-ended on my way home from IKEA with Todd and Avery. I received a call from the Canada Parole Board and filed my opinion letter. Our annual vacation, once again with the Loaders, this year was a long over-night drive to Myrtle Beach. I spent what would have been Dad’s 67th birthday with C, L and my new bestie J (the tattoo artist and sweetheart) getting another tattoo. The month was rounded off with another concert with A, this time to Ed Sheeran’s Divide tour.

September was back-to-school and E’s 12th Birthday. It was my brother’s 38th Birthday, J’s 41st birthday (not the tattoo J) and another tattoo on my folks anniversary. We had a trip to Columbus, Ohio for the Columbus Crew tournament for E’s soccer team while A had a tournament the same weekend in Niagara Falls.

October brought drama to E’s soccer team, my brother’s 43rd birthday, thanksgiving, two more tattoos and a hockey tournament.

November rolled in with a Halloween party at the Loader’s, a super-fun girl’s night, another tattoo and a hockey tournament in Pittsburgh for the Pittsburgh Elite Classic.

December was Nanny’s 86th birthday. Work has been extra-crazy this month and emotional as all heck. I had a really nice Christmas, spending the evening with my older brother and his family having a really nice visit.  There’s lots of sports to keep up busy for the next few months.  A’s hockey team finished the Mississauga Winter Classic today winning Gold for their division. Congrats Ladies.

What does 2019 look like? The only predictable thing will be turning 42 and keeping busy with the kids. I’m not making resolutions. I’m taking every day as it comes, feeling lucky to wake up every day; living with no regrets.

Cheers to 2019. Happy New Year my friends.

~S

2017 Year in Review

It’s been a few busy months since I posted. I have about 30 drafts that I was too busy to finish. However, it’s after midnight on a Wednesday and I committed to finishing this one!

2017 was a rollercoaster year.

I started the year off on Weight Watchers, but after a 25 lb. weight loss, I convinced myself it wasn’t working. In all honesty, I feel like I sabotaged myself from a comment DH made. Excuses.

I’ve been helping my mom downsize and get her house prepared to sell – anyone looking for a beautifully remodeled 4,000 sq. ft. home in the GTA??

I feel like I’m finally in a good place at work. In 2018, I would like to do more professional and personal learning.

In August we drove to Atlantic City, NJ for a vacation with friends and their boys. The weather was amazing, the beach was amazing. I’d go back.

In October, my gym membership lapsed, and my DH and I went to Vegas with 2 other couple friends to celebrate our (the ladies) 40th birthdays this year. It was 2 weeks after the Vegas shooting. It was an emotional and heavy feeling to Vegas. We went to the Grand Canyon west tip and it was spectacular! I pulled my back 2 days before the trip and suffered for the next 10 weeks!!

My back is finally healed, and my kids sports take up 6 days a week. I feel like a blob. I’m exhausted all the time. I want to start back in the workouts. I really like lifting. It’s my happy place. I hate cardio. I may give the dreadmill a rest and start looking for HIIT workouts.

I joined a 12-week transformation challenge that my high school buddy Rob & his wife Michelle’s company, Trainers on Site is running. Wish me luck.

No resolutions for 2018. I have the type of personality that if I set a goal and didn’t meet it; I’d constantly beat myself up for it and add it to my list of failures and become depressed over it. I am always learning about myself, and trying to change how I see things about myself. I promote self-love & positive body-image to my baby girls, I need to practice what I preach.

Goodbye 2017. Thank you for the memories and life lessons. Cheers to a wonderful and adventurous 2018.

~S.

 

Goodbye 2016; Year in Review (and Weight Watchers Week 16)

I did not go to my meeting this week. On purpose. I know when I go next week I’ll probably have undone all the good in this one week that took me 15 weeks to do. But today – today is January 1 and it’s the first page in my 365 page blank book to write my story.  What will my story look like? I’m not sure. It is my story, after all. I can re-write my future. Cause those ripples in time.

I look back on my 2016 year and think not a lot happened to make it stand out. I did spend some of this past year in the dark, mentally speaking. My depression was taking me to a very bleak place. I reached out and asked my doctor for help. If you know me, asking for help is like me not swearing in traffic. Very difficult.

I spent time with my family this year, swimming in the yard, playing with the kids.

Enjoying time with my husband as we went to Blue Jay games, hopping in the car to follow said Toronto Blue Jays to Cleveland. Going on our cruise.

I applied for a promotion at work and got it.

I’ve investigated my headaches (which have been great these past couple months).

Meeting new people and being able to call them friends.

Most of all, I think I found some of my confidence this year. I KNOW I’m not perfect, but I am damn good at what I do for a living. My kids seem to be decent human beings (most of the time).

After my dad passed away, I was petrified of my mom getting sick again. I didn’t know if I could handle it alone. However, when the inevitable happened back in March, I learned I CAN handle it. I also learned I didn’t have to do it alone. When I said the word, my big brother was there, every step of the way with me. Even my younger brother was with me as we texted our sick humour to get through the time.

I am so thankful for my wonderful husband and kids; my mom and my brothers, nieces & nephews, grandma, aunts, uncles and cousins; my BFF’s, hockey & soccer families; my memories of my dad; my SIL’s bone marrow transplant was a success and she is still here shining her bright light on all of us.

I won’t make resolutions. I’m going to make plans and write down goals. Some I’ll achieve and some I won’t. I promise though, to always be, Me. (shush, that’s not a threat!!).

HAPPY NEW YEAR!  I hope you are all blessed with love, light & happiness. Always remember how loved you are.

Cheers,

~S.

Weight Watchers Week 12

I’m a couple of days late…it’s been pretty hectic around home and work. I ran up to WW on Wednesday afternoon for WI Day, I was prepared to accept my gain for reasons I own (unfortunate accident with chocolate disappearing – into my tummy) and “that time”. I was surprised to find I was down 1.8 lbs for a total of 15.9 lbs to date.

My activity last week netted me 101 FitPoints, 191 minutes of activity and 60K steps. Last week Thursday was American Thanksgiving. I had a half day at work on Friday. My first thought was – I’ll head to the mall and do some Christmas shopping but then it dawned on me – Black Friday. No thanks. Guess what I did instead? I went to the gym for 2 hours! I was the only woman in there among all these older men. I didn’t care, nor did I let it intimidate me. I ran the dreadmill and used all the machines!

I’m making progress all over the place.

Going into my weigh-in, I thought to my self, “Self, no matter what this says, I already won this week.”  Now, I know you’re asking me why. It’s because I crushed some major goals this week. I managed to get over a hurdle with my C25K App, I realized that I can do things with my body that I couldn’t do before (get your mind out of the gutter) such as those PiYO/Yoga moves. Rather than a single leg dog – I used to look like “dog peeing on hydrant”. Now, I can perform these moves well and hold for a period of time.

More progress.

I’m not living my life on the scale, although it’s been a positive side effect. I’m now running for almost 30 mins straight, seeing my pace get faster, seeing my flexibility increase and seeing the muscles more than the jiggle. It’s been said it before; the number on the scale is only my numerical effect on gravity; it doesn’t show you that I am beautiful, and loved, and awesome.

Have a great week – I know I will.

Cheers,

~S.

STOP! Just. Stop.

Last weekend I took A to hockey practice. I waited to tie her skates and filled her water bottle. Once done, I scanned in and went into the gym across the hall. It was a good day. I felt good. I was in a good place.

I ran the treadmill for 30 mins and then popped onto the Hip Abducter/Adducter machine. Here, I completed 5 sets (12/10/8/8/8) starting at 50 lbs and moving up to 80 for the sets of 8. Then I hopped on to the leg press, doing the same sets keeping the weight at 180 lbs (I also added calf raises at the ends for the sets of 8).

I’m going to back up a bit here. After taking care of A and scanning into the gym but before going in the door, I walked past a group of 4 hockey moms (from another team). One looked at me, pointed and said “look, like her; look at that one”. Granted, I wasn’t involved in the conversation so i don’t really know what they were actually saying; they could be commenting on how glamorous I looked in yesterday’s makeup, compression pants, chucks and a jacket with my highschool backpack…but the tone she used leads me to believe that was not the case. I didn’t let it bother me as I went about my workout and continued on with my day.

My question is – WHY? Why are we, Why do we do this to each other? Why do we body shaming & judge each other?  We need to mind our own damn business. There are greater issues in the world; in our own countries; in our own backyards to bother with anyone else. Lady, I feel sorry for your child. That child may never know unconditional love. That child may grow up being constantly judged by you, and in turn, start judging others. Personally, I’m trying my hardest to raise decent human beings in this horrible world, and that’s all I am focused on.

Cheers,

S.

Personal Development 2

I spent some time texting with my friend, and PiYO trainer K about how I was feeling and about possibly joining a gym. I mentioned that while I knew it was all in my head, I have this fear, or insecurity about going to a gym. I always feel like someone is looking at me, mocking me, silently judging me…”look at the fat girl”…and with so many instances of body shaming happening in the world – look at that Playboy Bitch Danni something who took a pic of an older lady in the gym in the locker room – I mean, she was at the gym clearly trying to work on herself…I digress. It’s a fear-slash-insecurity of mine. Whether founded or not…it’s mine.

And then this popped up on my Instagram feed, another wonderful FitWithVicki Instagram post:

It’s none of my damned business. Have a great week.

Cheers,

S.